Let's go down the film chain, shall we? There are films out there that are so incredible that they change the way we look at reality, and thus have a special place in our hearts. There are films that don't quite have the same effect, but are still memorable due to stellar performances, a riveting directorial style, and witty dialogue. Then, there are films that are ultimately forgettable, but still entertaining set-ups for the time that they last. Tower Heist can't even work on that level.
The film follows Josh Kovacs (played by Ben Stiller), the manager of an apartment tower owned by Arthur Shaw (played by Alan Alda). Shaw gets arrested due to an illegal investment he made, and Josh realizes that the money for that investment came from a doorman of Shaw's named Lester, who worked hard for almost 30 years to earn that money and now has nothing to retire on. Despite this, Shaw doesn't feel any pity for Lester or the dozens of employees he's left without pensions. On top of that, after Josh demolishes Shaw's antique car, he and his two assistants get fired. So, Josh decides to get back at Shaw by planning a heist to steal $20 million from him. He gains the assistance of an experienced thief named Slide (played by Eddie Murphy), who decides to train him, his two assistants and an ex-resident of the tower named Mr. Fitzhugh (played by Matthew Broderick) on robbery.
The biggest problem with this film is that it lacks the complexity and tension that's usually found in other heist films. The set-ups are basic, derivative, and by-the-numbers, almost to a point of the heist being farfetched. They just walk into the tower, bypass any security (whether that means putting stickers onto cameras or knocking out security guards), open the door to Shaw's apartment and break open his safe. Nevermind the fact that a tower with this much money behind it should have more of a challenge, but it's terribly straight-forward and boring.
The film constantly keeps pushing aside any attempts at intelligence (by movie standards, that is) for attempts at humor. There's even one scene where Josh is trying to explain the structure of the tower to his team, and Slide brings up the hotness of one girl Josh shows a picture of. This all leads to a question of her sexual orientation, as one person on the team says she's a lesbian.
And that leads me to my next point; the jokes are not funny. Hell, I wouldn't even go as far as to call them "jokes". The film keeps trying to trick its audience into thinking that if you either add in some dirty slang (Balls, ass, sh**.... Take your pick!), tie in a pop culture reference (Charlie, the new manager of the tower, ties the heist together with Robin Hood), or give your characters foreign accents (Gabourey Sidibe, what the hell are you doing?!), the dialogue will be funny. It seemed to work for the people around me, but for me, it didn't.
There was literally one funny scene I can recall from the entire movie, and that's because it's an actual set-up, and a clever one at that. Slide takes the team to a mall and tells all four of them to steal something worth $50, and he has them give him their wallets so that he knows they didn't just buy something and called it stolen. When they all come back with their stolen materials, one of the guys asks how they know Slide is a good thief. He says "You just stole $50? I just stole $264. Lesson learned: Don't give your wallets to a thief." So, there you go; a joke you can tell to your friends at the coffee shop. Now you have no reason to see this movie.
The entire production feels flat, cheap, and way too low-key. This is to be expected from director Brett Ratner, but unlike the first two Rush Hour films, he doesn't have any funny jokes or clever set-ups to back up his tasteless style. Most of the film looks like it was shot on the same set, any attempts at action scenes are low-key and lack tension, and the score sounds like some sitcom bullsh**.
The characters have little to no personality, mostly due to a lack of development. For one thing, Josh's motivation to steal from Shaw is nothing more than childish vengeance, and his team just tags along for no discernible reason. Because the characters aren't given enough to do, the performances are pretty bland. I think the only one given any direction and motivation is Eddie Murphy, but even then, that's only the motivation to be a comic relief, stereotypical black character. For a film that everyone hyped up as his comeback, all I have to say is that he definitely deserves better.
In the end, there's no memorabilia to Tower Heist. The story is a straight-forward, mindless heist film. It pushes aside all opportunities for complexity for its attempts at humor that it mistakes for actual humor. The directorial style is bland and tasteless, and the characters aren't given enough to do. While I can't call it a terrible film, there's really no reason to see it. Skip it.
This film is worth $3 out of $20.
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